You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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