I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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