its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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