No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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