I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
