census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
