what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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