Banned from zoo.
Again?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
