Pappa wants mamma naked
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
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Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
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Also, beer. Big fan.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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