I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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