she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
