Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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