Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize