I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
