I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I currently don't understand fingers.
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