i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
