first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
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so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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