I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
