why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
