I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
