I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
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