then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
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Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
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Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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