He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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