I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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