Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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