What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
