There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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