if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
