I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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