i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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