At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
