Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he shaved USA in his pubs
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize