what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
