She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
