I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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