i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
