We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
