Im at strip club and am horny
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
