Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
