i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
