I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
A bitchslap is in order.
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