would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
high people should be assigned attendants
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Randomize
