I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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