dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
