i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
