Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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