i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
