you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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