spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
