found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
