if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i think i have two assholes
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
