He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
