She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
