I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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