I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
