Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
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I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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