oh god the rape fog is back!
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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