And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
