I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
