I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We are all done wearing pants today
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
