he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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