Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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