Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
