so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
