I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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