What did we do last night that was yellow?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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