I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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