So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
