Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
