Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
