I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
