how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
