First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
