I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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