I wanna bring you to show and tell
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
